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06 October 2014 @ 10:12 pm
Title: Blackbird
Authors: narya86 & tetila
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres, Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres/OFC
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Woah. Still not ours. Damn it all, how did(n’t) that happen?
Summary: “What about that one standing at the bar, looking a bit lost? Tall, blond, with the nice ass and the freckles?” Dan followed her gaze unthinkingly, and when he spotted the man she had pointed out, it took all his composure not to drop his glass. Fernando.
A/N: Hello? Hello? Is anyone here? Wow, look at this… there’s a story from us. Yes, we are indeed still alive, but we’re not sure if we’re the only ones here right now. ^^ Anyway… yes, there is a story. But we have to issue a big warning for this one because there’s HET SEX. How did that happen? We’re not sure anymore. There’s angst too, but the boys are still the boys and still in love even when they shouldn’t be.


It was Saturday night, and they had been in Anna’s favourite bar for over two hours now. Granted, it was a pretty damn good place, Dan was always quick to admit – nice atmosphere, crowded but not too full, the music was good, the beer as well, the lights dimmed, and the people always open and jovial. So he had never minded coming here, even though the bar wasn’t among the ones his group of friends usually frequented.

In this particular night, Dan wasn’t sad about that fact in the slightest, because even though he shared a whole lot with his friends, he didn’t really want them to know what he and Anna were doing here. There were definitely some things he liked to keep private after all.

“What do you think about that one over there? Black hair, cute face, with the band shirt?” he asked his girlfriend, mouth close to her ear to be heard over the music, hand on her hip, the scent of her hair more prominent for a moment than all the others of the bar.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw how Anna let her gaze run over the young man he had pointed out before she shrugged dismissively.

“Too small, and he kinda looks like my brother. That would really freak me out,” she answered, bending her head back so he could hear her. “What about that one standing at the bar, looking a bit lost? Tall, blond, with the nice ass and the freckles?”

Dan followed her gaze unthinkingly, and when he spotted the man she had pointed out, it took all his composure not to drop his glass.


He was here. Why was he here? Was he back? Since when? How could he be here?

“Danny?” Anna’s voice brought him out of his stupor, and he had to clench his hands to keep them from trembling, his heartbeat rushing loudly in his ears. “What do you think?”

“Yes,” was out of his mouth before his head had been able to step in.

She turned towards him, her eyes shining with excitement, a grin playing on her lips. “That was easy, I thought I would have to convince you some more,” she teased unknowingly.

Dan didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. He wasn’t even sure if this was actually happening or if he was asleep, dreaming. His mouth felt as dry as a desert.

“Yeah. No.” Dan finally blinked and redirected his gaze to Anna. “Are you going to ask him?”

“Sure, most of the time women are the better bait,” Anna laughed and patted his arm lightly before turning around with a short, playful wink and for a moment Dan could only watch as Anna walked towards the man standing at the bar, towards Fernando.

He didn’t know if he should look away or watch as his girlfriend addressed the man he hadn’t seen for almost a year now, his gaze flickering back and forth, heart hammering in his chest.

This was a horrible idea, he had reacted without thinking, stupidly, because this was stupid, a recipe for a disaster, really, why had he ever… maybe Fernando wouldn’t even say yes though… surely he wouldn’t, especially once he saw him… or would he?

Dan watched Fernando’s face, the small smile, the puzzlement, then surprise, another, slightly embarrassed smile as he shook his head before Anna tried again and fleetingly pointed in Dan’s direction.

Their gazes met and, god, it felt like Dan’s heart tumbled, skipped and then stopped all together and suddenly everything around them vanished, the people, the music, the heat of the air, it was all blurred while Dan’s vision focused on the small, barely visible motion of a nod.


The girl, Anna, Dan’s girlfriend, Fernando reminded himself, was still talking as they walked down the painfully familiar road and Fernando hadn’t known Dan still lived in his, their, old flat. The whole time in the taxi Fernando hadn’t been able to really look at Dan, let alone talk to him, and Anna probably had interpreted it as something else than it actually was, because she had tried to lure them into an easy conversation. But all Fernando could think of was that he surely must be crazy for doing something like this. Or maybe he was dreaming. Wouldn’t be the first time either, because had he been in his right mind he wouldn’t have said yes to something that, in the end, would only hurt himself and everyone else involved.

“Alright boys, I get that you probably think this is a little awkward, but you both seriously need to lighten up if we’re actually doing this,” Anna said now, with a vaguely amused expression on her features, gently elbowing Dan for emphasis. Fernando could watch how he straightened, a small, askew but still a little insecure smile flickering over his lips as he drew keys from his back pocket.

“Sorry, you’re right. Relaxing is probably a good idea.”

They entered the flat behind Daniel and after they all had hung up their jackets and scarves at the wardrobe, they made their way into the small kitchen down the hall. Everything was still the same and yet Fernando felt like it wasn’t. The smell was off, changed, had become sweeter and where once he had been able to identify something that had been the faint but pure scent of Dan was now something foreign, something he didn’t know.

He was still standing in the doorway, fidgeting, unsure what he was supposed to do, how he was going to do this and if he could go through with it at all.

“Have a seat.”

It was Dan this time who addressed him from the small table where he and Anna had already sat down, his voice gentle, and he looked directly up at him, and for a moment Fernando panicked because he didn’t know what Dan was thinking, and he’d always had at least a feeling.

But that had been before they had broken up.

“Thanks,” Fernando murmured as he took the chair opposite from the couple and sat down, his fingers nervously tracing the wooden surface. There was still the deep scratch from where Dan and he had tried to build a shelf for the bathroom, and he let his forefinger trace it back and forth, a little lost in the memory.

God, why was he doing this?

“So, is there anything we should know about you?” Anna asked with a warm smile, obviously hoping to get him to relax. “Something you like or don’t like, or don’t want to do?”

For a moment Fernando imagined what her face would look like if he told her something like, ‘ask your boyfriend, he knows everything’, but he wasn’t that person, never had been and something deep down wanted this to happen, wanted this one last moment with Dan. Closure, maybe.

Or he was simply fooling himself.

“Well, I’m not into pain or humiliation or anything like that,” Fernando finally answered, cracking a small smile towards them but looking away again when his eyes brushed Dan’s. He was still unwaveringly watching him.

Anna nodded. “We’re on the same page then. So what about…” here she hesitated and looked at Dan briefly, “your gender preferences?”

Fernando swallowed dryly, his eyes meeting Dan’s again, longer this time and he wished he knew what was going on behind them. “I have none. I said yes to a threesome with another guy after all, didn’t I?”

“Well, that in itself doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to do something with him as well,” Anna smiled a little, half-shrugging, before her smile grew into a grin. “But I wouldn’t mind watching a little either.”

Fernando knew he was blushing, he could feel it. “I… wouldn’t say no,” he said regardless, waiting for Dan to say something, anything at all that showed him that Dan would still want him, even if it was just for one night and for sex only. Carefully he let his gaze flickered over to him again, and when he saw a small, so familiar smile being given to him, his heart stumbled in his chest.

“Great.” The smile on Anna’s face widened. “So… anything else you’d like to make you more comfortable?”

Fernando shook his head. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to drink or eat anything right now and if he was honest with himself… his body was already humming with anticipation, like a small fire burning in the pit of his stomach was spreading to every fibre of his being.

“Alright,” Dan said softly, his gaze resting on Fernando just for one more moment before he stood up. Anna followed just as promptly as Fernando himself, who felt immediately how shaky his knees were, but he hoped desperately that it didn’t show.

It wasn’t like he needed to be told in which direction the bedroom was, but he waited until both Dan and his girlfriend had left in its direction, took a deep, deep breath, and then followed.

The air in the bedroom was pleasantly cool, chilling Fernando’s burning cheeks as he took a short moment to let his gaze wander over the room, mentally noting the changes before redirecting his gaze to where Dan was sitting on the edge of the bed, Anna standing beside him. Fernando took a few steps into the room before he stopped and waited, not sure what exactly he was supposed to do.

Anna smiled and slowly walked over to him, the dim light of the bedside lamp giving her dark hair a warm tone. Fernando’s mouth was dry as she just stood in front of him for a moment, looking up at him, her gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips, and Fernando just thought that she was pretty enough when she asked softly, “Okay?”

Fernando hummed quietly and nodded as her scent invaded his senses while he took a small step forward, gaze briefly flickering to Dan who was still only watching them, before he leaned down to meet Anna in a kiss.

He wondered in that moment how many years had passed since he had last kissed a woman, and had to find that he wasn’t even quite sure anymore. And now he was kissing a woman who was Dan’s girlfriend, and what the hell was he even doing? Why had Dan agreed to any of this? For what, old times’ sake?

Fernando closed his eyes tightly and tried to just concentrate on the soft, exploratory kiss, ignoring the soft squeak of the mattress, the barely audible footsteps and Anna’s content hum, but he couldn’t ignore the knuckles brushing fleetingly against his belly.

He couldn’t help but open his eyes, too curious, and maybe he needed to know, needed to reassure himself that Dan was actually here, touching her, touching him.

He almost startled when he was greeted with those familiar, greenish eyes staring right back at him from over her shoulder. But he didn’t let himself break the kiss, instead closing his eyes and bringing his hands up to slide tentatively around her waist. Dan stood right behind her, warmth radiating through his clothes. Anna nipped gently on his lower lip and let her hands slide over his chest.

Slowly but surely the sensations let want seep into his body, warming it and sending small shivers down his spine as he let his hand slip to the hem of Anna’s shirt, brushing Dan’s fingers and breaking their kiss before he moved to pull it over her head. For a moment he watched how Dan bent his head to kiss her shoulder and throat while his fingers worked on the button and zipper of her jeans, hands trailing over her skin in gentle caresses. Anna smiled and threaded one hand through Fernando’s hair, angling her head up to catch his lips in another kiss.

His mouth opened willingly, meeting her tongue with his own, kissing her deeply while he felt Dan’s hands stroking Anna’s sides, the other man’s fingers always lingering for a second too long when their hands met on Anna’s hips.

This was really, really fucked up. But if this was all he could get… well, he’d take it.

Fernando broke the kiss again, pulling back slightly and tried to ignore Dan’s eyes burning into him as he pulled his own shirt over his head. Immediately he felt her slender hands on his skin, a little cool but curiously exploring, thumb flickering over a nipple, and Fernando shuddered and had to bend his head to distract himself with kissing her throat, Dan’s gaze nearly driving him crazy.

When her breasts brushed against his upper body again they were naked, and she drew Fernando’s head back up for a brief kiss. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

He managed to vaguely give her something like a nod and a hummed, slurred ‘yeah’ while he let his fingers explore her soft skin and the unfamiliar curves, liking how it made her shiver, liking how Dan followed every motion.

Anna put her hand around his neck and guided them backwards towards the bed until they hit the edge of it and tumbled down in a tangled mess.

In the silence of the room, the sounds of all three of them breathing were suddenly very prominent in Fernando’s ears. They had arranged themselves on the side just as they had been standing, Anna between them facing Fernando, and by now he was impatient enough to slip his fingers beneath the sides of her briefs to slide the fabric over her hips and down her legs. The tension hanging in the air certainly wasn’t helping him.

Anna didn’t waste any time, moving confidently, opened the buttons of his jeans and wrestled him out of it. The air hitting his skin made him shiver but the feeling was quickly replaced with a rush of heat coursing through him as he noticed that somewhere along the way Dan had also lost his clothes as he was staring, Anna’s kisses on his skin only faint brushes in the back of his mind as took everything in.

Dan was… Dan. Fernando always had had a thing for Dan’s skin, for his body, his scent, for Dan.

Their gazes met right in that moment when Dan looked up, and before Fernando knew what was happening, there was a hand in his hair and his head was drawn forward, and then Dan was kissing him right over his girlfriend’s shoulder, hard and hungry.

Fernando felt his body jerk as he tried to get closer, pressing himself into Anna and making himself gasp into the kiss at the friction it caused. His free hand wandered to Dan’s shoulder, fingers digging into the skin as he tried not to lose himself in Dan.

Fernando’s head was reeling, his sensorial memory being flooded, and he had no idea how long they were kissing like this until he became faintly aware of Anna’s chuckle beneath them.

“Come on, boys, you can do that later… Fernando promised me something first.”

He almost protested when Dan pulled back and broke the kiss, the loss too sudden, too abrupt for his brain to catch up. His eyes fluttered open, blinking against the soft light of the bedroom as he tried to find the words to answer Anna.

“What?” he asked, avoiding looking at Dan.

She grinned at him, one hand sliding up his neck and cupping his face in a soft caress. “I know Dan has his appeals, but you can have him later, okay?”

“Later,” he repeated slowly, nodding, so Anna pulled him against her once more and a low moan escaped his throat when her fingers sneaked around his hardness, stroking it lightly.

Anna repeated the motion of her hand for a few times and Fernando just let her, eyes closed, thinking that he could feel Dan’s gaze on him. Eventually she drew her hand away just to roll a condom on a moment later, and then her left leg was wrapped around his hips, drawing him closer.

“Okay?” she asked and he nodded, eyes still closed, taking slow, calm breaths. With a few awkward, fumbled moves and a little help from Anna Fernando moved to carefully enter her, and he heard her let out a soft gasp as she dug her nails into his back, starting to meet his shallow thrusts with ones of her own.

She was slender and pliant against him, lips soft as she leaned in for a series of kisses, his hand finding her upper thigh that was resting on his hip, warm and smooth. It had been so long that he had last slept with a woman, but his body still knew instinctively what to do – and he didn’t have to do it alone. He felt it when she moaned into their kiss, when her muscles twitched around him, when hands that didn’t belong to either of them moved between their bodies, caressing her, but always also brushing faintly against his own skin, making Fernando fall into all the sensations surrounding him, making him shiver, moan, buck into the body moving against him.

It was Anna who found her climax first though, arching her back to press her hips closer to Fernando’s and Dan’s hand between her legs at the same time, shudders pulsing through her body, but he only faintly heard the strangled moan from her. Dan’s hand brushed his hip in a brief, gentle touch, and suddenly he was coming as well, eyes pressed close, lips parted, heat rushing through him.

The next thing he felt was a hand on his back, soothingly running up and down in a slow gentle motion, and when Fernando opened his eyes again he saw both Dan and Anna watching him. “Sorry,” he mumbled, shifting back to detangle himself from Anna, who was still tracing invisible lines on his back. Was it over now? Was he supposed to go now or was a second round expected of him?

Anna smiled at him encouragingly before turning her head back to Dan to give him a brief kiss. “Sorry, I think we both need a moment,” she said softly, and it made Dan laugh a little, sounding just a bit breathless, and his eyes flickered over to Fernando again. Openly this time.

“Can I have him when he’s ready?” he murmured into her ear, but his eyes were only for Fernando.

His heart was jumping into his throat, beating wildly as heat spread all over his body. Fernando didn’t know if it was a good idea but he wouldn’t say no, knew that he couldn’t say no even if he wanted to. Not anymore. So he looked at Anna again, wetting his lips before he opened his mouth. “If that’s okay with you?” he asked her, his voice sounding raw even to his own ears.

“I can’t very well deny him this after I already had you, can I?” she answered with a teasing smile, lazily threading her fingers through Dan’s hair over her shoulder. “As he said… whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m ready.” It was said quietly, but Fernando knew Dan had heard him very clearly because something in his eyes changed. It gave Fernando a sudden bout of nervousness, and he tried to swallow it down as he sat up to dispose of the used condom, letting it slip onto the ground beside the bed.

When he glanced back over he saw that Dan had placed a brief, distracted kiss on Anna’s cheek before drawing away from her. She slid back on the bed to Dan’s previous position, head propped up on one hand, watching curiously as he crawled over, but stopped before they touched, eyes flickering over Fernando’s face as he hovered half over him.

And Fernando couldn’t help but lean into him, closing the distance between their faces until there was barely any space left between their lips. He could feel Dan’s breath meeting his own, and even though he longed for it, he wasn’t able to make that one final move.

So it was Dan who closed the gap and kissed him.

It wasn’t as hungry as the one before had been, their lips only touching at first, moulding together in a wonderfully perfect fit, foreign and at the same time familiar.

Fernando was the first to press closer, pulling Dan towards him with a hand on the back of his neck as a moan escaped his throat when the mouth underneath his own opened and their kiss deepened to a slow sensual dance of lips and tongues. And as if his touch on Dan’s neck had let yet another barrier drop, he felt a hand on his waist that he recognised even with closed eyes, a little shy, a little questioning, but its touch getting firmer the moment Fernando deepened the kiss in response. When Dan shifted his weight more over Fernando, he neither had the choice nor wanted to fight sinking back onto the bed without breaking their kiss, and then Dan’s body slid over his, chests and hips and legs suddenly touching.

It felt like Fernando’s body recognised Dan’s, his breath on his face, his fingertips running over his sides. And now he had no chance anymore of telling himself that this didn’t feel a lot like coming home.

A hitched breath escaped Fernando’s throat, swallowed by Dan’s kiss, and he felt new, burning heat run through every fibre of his being as he opened his legs to let Dan settle between them.

He could feel Dan sighing quietly into their kiss, could feel how a shudder ran through him, and suddenly a hand was on his thigh and hips were pressing against his, and he was dizzy already.
Even in his most regretful hours he had forgotten how much he had missed this.

He let his fingers find the nape of Dan’s neck, playing with the soft curls there before slowly tracing Dan’s spine down to the soft swell of his ass, caressing it and pulling Dan closer, making them both moan and gasp into the space between their kisses.

Fernando didn’t pay attention to anything but this, the feeling of skin on skin, so he didn’t know – didn’t care – how, but when he felt Dan’s fingertips between his legs, they were slick, hesitating right before breaching the ring of muscles, as if waiting for consent.

“Please,” he whispered against Dan’s lips, his voice barely there at all, his body shivering with all sorts of emotions and unreleased tension.

Their gazes met for a moment, eyes very bright in the dim light. Fernando couldn’t feel Dan breathe as he slid two fingers into him, careful but with renewed confidence, unstrayingly watching him.

Fernando’s lips soundlessly opened around Dan’s name, not breaking their gaze as his fingers buried themselves into the Dane’s shoulder, leaving small half-moon shaped marks in their wake. His hips twitched softly underneath Dan’s touch, meeting the motion of his fingers with their own.

Eventually Dan’s eyes strayed and he lowered his head to kiss the corner of Fernando’s mouth, his jaw, the point below his ear and his neck in rapid succession, trailing more kisses down his throat as he let his fingers do their work, stimulating, stretching, nudging.

When Dan brushed that sensitive bundle inside him everything in him tensed as small sparks shot through his body and Fernando turned his face to the side to moan into Dan’s damp neck.
He heard Dan’s voice in his ear, and it sounded strained, and somehow… somehow Fernando couldn’t help feeling that it was redundant, that Dan didn’t really need to voice it, that he knew – but that it would have been too suspicious if he didn’t.

“Tell me when you’re ready…”

“I’m ready… please,” he breathed out against Dan’s skin, his voice thick with lust and longing. “I’m ready.”

“Fuck…” Dan whispered to no one in particular, voice thick, but he drew his hand away and started to fumble with more lube and the condom Anna handed him. Dan didn’t quite look him in the eye, but Fernando could see how his hands were trembling, so he sat up slightly and stilled Dan’s hands with his own before he took the condom from them. “Let me,” he whispered and opened the foil with a few quick motions.

Their eyes met again as Fernando leaned forward to slowly roll the condom over Dan’s hard member, close enough to see him shudder, and this time he didn’t break the gaze. As soon as he was done, Dan cupped his face with his clean hand and kissed him again, lips moulding together perfectly while he lay back down between his legs, hand sliding carefully over his skin down his throat and chest, and when he slid in it was easy and perfect and home.

A choked sound escaped his throat as his whole body shook with relief and pleasure. “Please,” he quietly whispered again, not really knowing what he was asking for. For Dan to move? For Dan to stop? Or maybe for Dan to never leave again? Fernando wasn’t sure, but he didn’t need to be because his body instinctively bucked into Dan’s movement, unconsciously pressing closer with one leg finding its way around the other man’s hip to draw him in deeper. Don’t stop, don’t go, don’t leave… please.

Blood was rushing in his ears, but he still heard the tiny, barely audible sound that made it out of Dan’s throat just before he did move, a long, single thrust of his hips before pausing again, one hand gripping his thigh. And then another one, deep and intense but unhurried at first, as if with the need to give each of them their own importance.

Fernando’s spine synchronously arched upwards to every inward movement. The tension in his body slowly melted away and was replaced by a sense of heat and pleasure and familiarity and when he finally managed to open his eyes again they were met by darkened, green ones unblinkingly staring back at him.

Right then it was as if nothing had changed, as if they were simply falling back into well-known tracks, often treaded paths, and it was so easy. What they liked was still the same, all those tiny things, cues, they were still there, and it seemed like they could still follow them blindly. And Fernando was so wound up that it felt like it only took moments until his skin shone with sweat, his muscles quivered and every thrust made him dizzy with almost painful arousal.

Fernando felt like he needed something to hold on to, like he needed to touch the other man to make sure that every one of his senses had a memory of this moment, of Dan above him, his scent, the feeling of Dan moving inside him, kissing him, touching him… loving him. His hands found the Dane’s shoulders, the feeling of muscles moving under his fingers only adding to the pleasure he felt coursing through his veins.

Dan had lowered his head so that their foreheads were touching, close, just being close, his hips having picked up a deep and steady rhythm. Fernando could feel his breath brush over his own lips, close enough that it would take just the smallest tilt of their heads to kiss.

And just like that everything inside him began to tense and tingle. "Dan… " Fernando whispered as his fingers tightened on Dan’s shoulders.

He thought he could hear Dan’s breath hitch, but then he tilted his hips just a little more and thrust again, faster, closing his eyes as he chased both their climaxes. It was almost ridiculous how quickly they had reached this point.

Fernando arched his back and stiffened when everything inside him exploded into a bright glow spreading through every fibre of his body as he tumbled over the edge. And for one or two seconds his mind went pleasantly blank while he moaned helplessly at the sensations flowing through him.

The continuing thrusts carried him through his release just like he had always loved it, and he faintly felt the muscles under his hands tensing, Dan’s movements stuttering, a low, vibrating moan as he came as well.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, Dan slumped down on top of him, both breathing heavily and still dazed from their release as Fernando absently played with the sweaty curls in Dan’s neck. He had always loved them, he smiled to himself as he remembered how shocked he had been that one time Dan had come home with buzzed hair and an innocent smile. Needless to say that he had scowled at the other man for the rest of the day.

Fernando was unpleasantly ripped out of his memory when a female voice made it into his consciousness, one that shouldn’t have… but he wasn’t alone here with Dan, they weren’t… not anymore. There was someone else in this bed with them, and Fernando was the one who didn’t really belong here anymore. "Well that sure looked steamy…" he heard Anna say, and maybe it was because he was still dazed, but he thought there was the hint of a tone in her voice that hadn’t been there before. But when Dan rolled away from him, he decided that it wasn’t his business at all.

Suddenly all the warmth that had been inside him faded, was replaced with a coldness spreading from a place somewhere in his chest. He felt mortified, ashamed of his still spread legs and the evidence of his release covering him. He shouldn’t have come with them, Fernando thought, slowly shifting to close his legs while he stubbornly ignored the movements on his side.
"Yeah, I’m beat for tonight," he heard Dan answer, and then there was the softest sound of what could have been a kiss. Then a few seconds of silence, and then he added quietly to what could have only been Fernando, "Are you okay?"

He barely managed to give a nod, blood rushing in his ears as his stomach churned and his heart was pounding way too hard. "I’m going to wash up," Fernando muttered and fled for the bathroom, ignoring his still weak legs.

As soon as he had closed the door to the bathroom behind himself, it was quiet. So quiet that the only thing he could hear was his own blood rushing in his ears. A bout of dizziness made him grab the edges of the sink and he closed his eyes and just tried to breathe until he thought his body had calmed down somewhat. Then he swallowed and looked up into the mirror, his own reflection staring back at him.

He had to avert his gaze only after a few short moments, out of fear what he might find if he searched for too long. With trembling hands he grabbed one of the towels hanging beside the sink, his fast and uncoordinated movements catching some of the bottles and containers standing on a shelf. The sound echoed loudly around the room as they tumbled to the ground and into the sink.

He bit his lip and started picking them up instinctively, and it was only then, halfway through, that he realised that about half of them weren’t even Dan’s. They were women’s products, unfamiliar and out of place… and yet not.

No, in reality he was the one that didn’t belong here. He was the one that didn’t have a place in Dan’s life anymore and there was nothing he could do about it. Fernando swallowed heavily around a thick lump forming in his throat, fingers clenching around the bottle of deodorant he was holding as he tried to breathe through the pain he felt in his chest.

Slowly, trying to keep his fingers calm, he set the bottle back down where it belonged, and put the rest back up. He tried to keep his head blank as he dampened the towel, cleaned himself and disposed of it in the hamper as soon as he was done. And then he didn’t know what to do. His clothes were still lying in the bedroom - stupid not to pick them up right away, he could have just gotten dressed and the hell out of here - but he really had no desire at all to return to the bedroom. God, why had he ever said yes to this…

He swallowed harshly, slowly trailing his hand over Dan’s bathrobe that was still hanging by the door. He shivered a little, cool air against his naked skin, and took it down to slip into it… he had to wear something after all.

The familiar scent that hit him almost instantly gave him another reminder why exactly his chest was aching. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Shakingly he took a deep breath, trying to clear his thoughts as he couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever.

Maybe they’d just fall asleep in the bedroom eventually and he could sneak in and get his clothes. Everything was still quiet outside, so after a moment of listening, he silently opened the door, darted through the hall and vanished in the kitchen without being heard - hopefully. Maybe that bottle of scotch was still in the cabinet in the corner…

He didn’t turn on the light and carefully, so fucking carefully not to be heard opened the cabin. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the old bottle standing there like no time had passed, like he hadn’t been gone for over a year and nothing had changed. Fernando quietly took the bottle before closing the cabin again. He hated scotch, Dan always had been the one… no, this was all in the past.

It burned as it went down his throat, but its sharpness felt good… just what he needed. He stayed there in the dark, leaned against the kitchen counter where he had used to prepare dinner for them, his hand wrapped around the glass, unseeingly staring out of the window into the night out there. He didn’t know for how long - but eventually he felt it, like a soft prickling on his neck, the gaze coming from behind him, and he sighed quietly.

"Sorry," Fernando apologized to the man standing in the doorway, not even knowing for what exactly. Sorry for taking the scotch or sorry for being not okay with what had happened after all? He didn’t dare to turn and look at Dan, drowning the last contents in his glass with one big gulp before he continued to stare out of the window.

"For what?" Dan asked softly, and when he didn’t gets an answer, Fernando heard his quiet footsteps approaching until, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dan come to a halt right next to him. "Fernando…"

A humourless sigh escaped Fernando before he set down his glass, his hands finding the edges of the counter to have something to hold on to. "Where’s Anna?"

"Sleeping," was the short, quiet answer Dan gave him before silence fell again. Fernando wasn’t sure if Dan didn’t know what to say, if there was something he wanted to say but didn’t know how, if he wanted to say anything at all or, if not, why he was even here.

It hurt, imagining Dan cuddling up with Anna, holding her like he used to hold him when he couldn’t sleep. Fernando closed his eyes for a second, pushing the unwanted feelings to the back of his mind before he finally looked at the other man standing beside him. It was time to get this over with. "If you could maybe get my clothes? I can leave then."

Dan met his eyes then, finally, and there was something in them that he caught despite the darkness… vulnerable and sad. He gave Fernando a small nod but didn’t make any move away, only looked at him.

"What?" Fernando asked helplessly. The silence stretching between them and his own thoughts getting too loud for him to handle.

Something flickered over Dan’s face then, and without saying anything he reached out, grasped Fernando’s hand and tugged him closer.

A surprised sound passed his lips as he tried to break free of Dan’s hold at first, but the warmth of the other man, his scent, the way he felt him against his own body and his own longing crawling through him made Fernando give in.

As he didn’t struggle, Dan drew him in until he could wrap his arms around Fernando’s shoulders, and he felt him release a deep breath then, his bare arms tightening gently around his shoulders.

Fernando shivered slightly before his own arms wrapped around Dan’s body as he buried his face in the his neck, breathing in deeply. And for one faction of a moment everything disappeared around him until it was only Dan and him, together.

"It’s so good to see you again," Dan muttered quietly next to him, sounding so very honest, his hand carefully brushing over Fernando’s blond hair.

He tightened his arms in response, not wanting to let go anytime soon. "Dan..." Fernando began quietly. "How did… I miss you."

"When did you come back?" Dan asked, making no move to let go of him. "I thought you’d still be in Spain…"

"Two months maybe," Fernando answered against Dan’s skin, shifting to get a little bit closer.

It had been almost a year ago now, just after they had broken up, that an unexpected offer had fluttered into his hands to spend some time in Spain for his job, and back then, Fernando hadn’t hesitated to take it. It would have been so difficult otherwise since their circle of friends had mostly been the same. He had been glad for the opportunity to get away… and then in Spain he had slowly started to wonder if it was normal to miss the person you broke up with on mutual consent this much.

"No one told me," Dan admitted with a quiet mumble, his nose brushing against Fernando’s hair.
Their friends probably had wanted to protect them both from more heartache, Fernando thought, as he himself had consequently avoided talking about Dan to them. And now… here he was, and that wound he had worked on closing for the past year was being pried open again. "How did we end up like this, Dan?"

He felt Dan breathe out against his neck, and maybe he only imagined it, but he thought his arms tightened a little around his shoulders. "I… I don’t know… We gave up too quickly, didn’t we?"

And now it was too late, Fernando wanted to say, but he couldn’t, not when Dan was holding him like this. "I never thought this would happen to us, not after…" Fernando broke off, remembering the time when he had started to see Dan as something more than a friend. In hindsight, he suspected everyone but them had known they would end up together.

"Me neither. I…" Dan started but broke off, his long fingers brushing through the blond hair at the back of his head. "I didn’t think you’d say yes to this," he admitted even more quietly.

"Me neither," Fernando mimicked Dan’s words. "I just… didn’t really think at all." God, it felt so good, so fucking good to be touched like this again, to feel warm and protected.

"We’re really a pair of idiots, aren’t we?" Dan laughed softly, but it sounded pained.

Fernando just nodded, eyes burning behind closed eyelids. How was he supposed to walk away from all this again?

"I’m sorry," Dan whispered against the shell of his ear, still holding him close, even more tightly now, "I’m so sorry…"

Fernando shivered as he felt the first tear run down his cheek. He didn’t want to cry, he really didn’t, but his emotions were a messy mix of pain, longing and regret and it was overwhelming him.

He was trembling a little, and they were far too close for Dan not to feel it. So it was probably no surprise when Fernando felt his so familiar hand soothingly brush over his back, himself securely tucked into Dan’s arms, and then, very, very softly, a tune he started to hum somewhere next to Fernando’s ear.

And that was it, tears were flowing freely now, gathered at his chin and dripped onto Dan’s skin as the memories of their first holiday together came crashing back.

They had gone off by themselves that evening, and their friends had probably known all along - maybe they had just been that obvious - but they had gotten together that night. There had been this restaurant, and the beach promenade, and these two guys with their ukuleles, singing in two voices a version of that Hawaiian music legend that had passed away some years ago, Somewhere over the rainbow, and he had been brimming with happiness.

If this was goodbye then Fernando wouldn’t let go of Dan as long as the other man seemed willing to stay with him like this. He didn’t want to let go. Not know, or not anytime soon. Everything stood still except for Fernando’s tears and the soft vibrations of Dan’s chest against his own, like a moment in slow motion stretching on forever but you just know the end of it wasn’t something you could stop.

Dan continued humming softly, more slowly and not really keeping the rhythm, but he didn’t leave out any part of the song, not missing a single note even though sometimes his voice seemed to waver a little. But eventually he had come to its end, and inevitably his voice died and silence fell over them heavily.

The tears had stopped and Fernando’s cheeks felt sticky with their dried remains as he refused to make any move to break their embrace, knowing he would have to go and give up on Dan once and for all.

They stayed like this in silence for he didn’t know how long, but eventually - inevitably - Dan moved, drawing away just enough to cup his face and kiss his lips, an unmoving but firm and comforting touch. "I’ll get your clothes," he muttered gently as soon as he pulled away again.

Fernando nodded tiredly as he suppressed the urge to reach out again, to just draw Dan back into him. He wanted… but he knew realistically they couldn’t just go back to how things were, so much had happened and now there was another person in Dan’s life. Fernando had no right to intervene even though right in that moment he wished that he was still that person.

He felt how Dan swiped his thumb over his cheekbone and pressed another soft kiss to his forehead, but then he withdrew and turned away, his barefooted steps barely making any sound as he walked out and left Fernando in the dark kitchen.

Suddenly all the places where Dan had touched him before felt cold again. Fernando shivered, standing still as he waited for his clothes, unblinkingly staring at the empty, dark doorway. Somehow this felt like breaking up all over again.


It had been a lazy morning for Fernando. Late breakfast, late shower, late everything, but somehow it was still difficult to get out of bed when the first thing on his mind while waking was Dan. It was a bit pathetic, he knew that and he liked to believe that with a bit more time he would stop feeling like this. After all, he had managed it the first time and he could do it again.

So he had determinedly pushed all this and everything that had happened just a few nights ago to the back of his mind, burying it so that he could concentrate on his own life again. He needed to. It was true that he probably should never have said yes to Anna’s proposition, and yet… he’d probably do it again, just to have that moment with Dan again, no matter how hard that made it all now. So he tried putting on some music and doing something senseless like playing stupid games on his laptop, a small mountain of pancakes next to him.

He was just breaking his own highscore when he heard the doorbell ring. Fernando hesitated for a moment, looking down at his old sweatpants and the washed-out shirt he was wearing… Pathetic. A second ring broke the train of his thoughts and he sighed before he finally moved.

He absent-mindedly tried to comb his hair into some kind of order with one hand, but as he opened the door, that was forgotten and he froze, because there in front of him stood Dan, jeans and t-shirt, hands loosely in his pockets, looking… so nervous.

"Dan." he stated, stupidly staring at the other man in front of him as his heart tumbled funnily and a tiny spark of hope fluttered in his chest. A hundred of possible reasons why he could be here shot through his head and only one of them was the one he longed for. But what if it only was a ‘this is a stupid idea’ or a ‘I’m sorry about what happened’ or even worse a ‘you forgot your whatever’. Maybe ‘I just wanted to see you again’, or ‘I broke up with Anna’… or maybe ‘this was such a mistake’ or ‘we should never see each other again’. Fernando thought he might not even hear it, so loudly was his own heart pounding in his ears.

But when Dan finally opened his mouth, Fernando heard him perfectly well.

~ The End ~

Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
: )acrayonsmile on October 6th, 2014 10:07 pm (UTC)
The way you two write is just so beautiful. You painted their longing so well I could feel it. Fuck I could practically hear it when Dan started humming and I just, the tears and the want, I was in tears myself! I wanted to just shake some sense into the two of them.

And the end was so subtle I had to read it a couple times.

I love it so much. I'm so glad you two are writing. <3
Naryanarya86 on October 6th, 2014 10:25 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD and it's your birthday, isn't it?! Wasn't it? Yes no?

You'll get a proper reply when I'm not about to go oto bed, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY, pretend this is your present. :D
: )acrayonsmile on October 6th, 2014 10:45 pm (UTC)
Yes in fact and this was the best present ever!!!! <3
Narya: Heartnarya86 on October 30th, 2014 10:06 pm (UTC)
Okay wow I'm SORRY that took forever to get back to you. I hope you had a great birthday! ;) (Mine was two days after yours. ^^) Also, I don't even know if you know this, but I'm stalking you on Twitter. Random info time over.

I wanted to thank you for your first comment again, because we haven't posted anything in so long, but to come back and still have you guys here, and to hear this from you really means a whole lot to me. Especially considering that you're basically the reason I got into this fandom and pairing at all. So thank you. <3
: )acrayonsmile on October 31st, 2014 12:44 am (UTC)
That might be the sweetest, most awesome reply I've ever gotten to a comment. And I've posted a lot of comments! I will ALWAYS read what you (and you two) write. You're both amazing so, yeah. Thank you for writing.

Hope you had a good birthday as well. <3
unmomentoxfavorunmomentoxfavor on October 7th, 2014 02:47 am (UTC)
i sooo missed you two! this is so beautiful i have tears in my eyes!!
absolutely perfect!
tetila: Fiction: dsotmtetila on October 17th, 2014 08:47 pm (UTC)
Awww, no crying allowed :D But I'm glad you liked it!!
golden_slumber1golden_slumber1 on October 7th, 2014 09:06 am (UTC)
I have been so late to your fics before and now I'm delighted to be finally caught up with a new one. The tension, the bare longing between them was so beautifully executed, I'm honestly in awe of your writing. I hope you guys continue to write more stories.
Narya: Football Lovenarya86 on October 30th, 2014 10:07 pm (UTC)
Well don't worry about that because I'm SUPER LATE with replying to all these wonderful comments. Ugh. At least it hasn't been a month yet, the one thing I can be proud of. ^^

Anyway, I'm really happy there are still new people reading all our old stuff! And leaving such heart-warming comments too. Thank you so much, dear, even though I didn't reply immediately, I remember that it brightened my day a lot. :)
lilugingermad on October 7th, 2014 12:15 pm (UTC)
there are many words that is possible to use for describe the emotions that this story made me feeling. But particularly one: love. Pure, simple love.
thank you for that.

tetila: I'm shy and turn my head awaytetila on October 17th, 2014 08:55 pm (UTC)
You are very, very welcome :) We started to write that on our way back from Liverpool/England and I guess we hat lots of love in our hearts after that experience :D

I'm really glad we managed to finally post it (2 years or something!).

Thank you for your comment! :)
damianivs: pic#124010769damianivs on October 9th, 2014 02:03 am (UTC)
Just re-read your stories, and found there is a new one!:-D
Will come back with comment once finish it~~~
damianivs: pic#124010817damianivs on October 9th, 2014 04:21 am (UTC)
So they end up together again!!!
Sorry for Anna, but Dan/Nando are meant to be together!XD
Dan/Nando is my OTP, though I started with SerNando/ Gernando; these two are so fu*king hot together...
So happy you're back and please please write more more more~~~
Maybe a sequel to "I like you" or "Taking chances" or "The lives we lived last night "?
I friended you, could you friend me back? Many thanks*hug*

Edited at 2014-10-09 04:26 am (UTC)
Narya: Fernando S/Wnarya86 on October 30th, 2014 10:13 pm (UTC)
Weeeell, we deliberately left the ending open, because it appears this is something we like to do. *lol* So who knows, maybe Dan wasn't there to kiss and make up? ;)
Dan and Nando definitely are the hottest and sweetest together. I ship Fernando and Sergio in a bromance sort of way really hard, I just noticed recently that I always love writing Sergio in fics where he turns up. But I don't mind the occasional Gernando, though for me Steve and Xabi are eternal. ^^
No promises on any sequels, cause if we do post something more, it'll be something new we already wrote parts of. But I did friend you back. ;)
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tetila: the Huntertetila on March 30th, 2015 06:53 pm (UTC)
Hey, sooowwy this comment got kinda lost. But it really made me smile here.
Coming up with ideas was always easy for us, soo...^^
This one happened a long way back during the England road trip and it ended up with Fernando being rather whiny and soft, so we had to edit it quite a bit. Then we forgot about it for some time. So I'm glad we managed to actually post it last year.

I'm glad you came back for it and I'm glad you liked it! <3

Maybe we will actually manage to finish some of our stories... but time and other stuff are sometimes in the way :D
caivallon: pic#115336403caivallon on November 30th, 2014 10:27 pm (UTC)
first of all, I am very sorry that I'm so terribly late with my comment, but better late than never, I guess. ^.^
Second... I probably wouldn't have read this if it hadn't been your story. Because I am strictly monogamous with my parings (I don't want them to sleep with others) and threesomes are really hard because there's always someone hurting. But since I know you two are totally fabulous writers and I love all your stories, I just had to.
And I didn't regret it.
It was pure heartache and I totally loved it. The way you described Fernando's feelings for Dan was so awfully beautiful and sad. The way Dan's hand on his hip was enough to make him come... the way he still loved him so much that he was desperate enough to agree to something so crazy...
And don't even let me start about Dan... how hard and painful it had to be for him.
I still can't decide for whom my heart aches the most, but I guess it's Anna. Because even though she must be kind of an experimental and crazy girl for wanting something like this (which also implies that I think she doesn't deserve Dan - because honestly?) but she liked Dan very much and she's totally clueless and in the end she loses Dan...
Compliments for this story, my ladies, for making this not filthy at all but very gentle and beautiful (although I knew I could trust you on this). ♥
Love, Cai
PS: I loved your "hetero sex"-warning. made me laugh out loud.
Naryanarya86 on September 30th, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC)
Wow, hi, WHAT IS THIS?!

So it seems we never replied to your lovely comment. I am SORRY, you know we both love you! Just... you know, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you've been through with us, I loved reading your comment all over again. <3